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You may well ask how the Divorce Doctor eclipsed Ginger Snatch [RimmerGate - see below] in this WaterGate style recording of "the" interview between Howard and Amanda that led to her [temporary] downfall. Well here is the story.
Rumours have long spread throughout our fair wide brown oy oy oy land that our National telco [Telstra] had a bun in the oven. Our National Rodent has always tried to downplay the truth by saying she was "errrr - only half pregnant, but that's silly as you can't be half pregnant". Well our Snatch on this says otherwise. It seems Telstra IS preggers AND lookin for the dad. What is more The Rodent is presently holding his "deadbeats to their graves" initiative and as seen, has just collared a 3 year old boy as a deadbeat dad.
Well as honest [John] citizens we are keen to see no deadbeats left above ground so we have joined the initiative and we are "booweyed" [American term in there] to find that under this initiative EVERYTHING [ie not just kiddies] is thrown overboard, so no nasty need of proof, evidence, onus or even Constitution as this is Rodent Open Slather.
So given that Rodent himself is high on list of suspects for the delicate state of Telstra, we set up surveillance. Furthermore we have reason to believe [Rod Stewart 1972] that Rodent may well be responsible for the other half of the pregnancy which is the lad Daniel. As you will remember the "DNA Kid" Tony Abbott spooked this kiddie in 2005 into believing Abbott was his dad and the poor bugger in desperation said "thanks for having me dad" to Tone, and even Rodent was "moved".
But the kid was smart enough not to be used as a voting ploy and got a DNA which said Abbott was not dad and Daniel toured all over Oz saying "thanks for having me dad" to over 6 thousand total strangers. As he said at the time of the Abbott [vote catching] claim, "anyone but that fucker".
The mother went on to blame it on "Bill" who she said "just popped in" one night but as in "loose lips sink ships" we think mum was just a bike and it could have been anyone, AND besides our unsubstantiated evidence is that Rodent was "in those environs" at that "CSA gesturational aware period" so we are saying that it well may be possible Rodent is deadbeat dad of Telstra and Daniel all in one. So we go to the Interview.
Errrr good morning Amanda, errr take a seat but remember to leave it when you go
Errr just my little joke - errr I have called you in , "for the first time today" [ed: sounds like a Ritchie joke] because an election looms and we need to get cracking
Cracking on what?
Well for your portfolio get onto Bang Bang [he shot me down, Bang Bang that awful sound, Bang Bang I hit the ground, Yudhiono shot me down]
Errr just another little joke - remember Sunny & Cher?
Errr - get onto that boat bloke up in SlopeLand and get him to send another boat
Errrr - I don't care what he calls it but I am calling it SIV-Zee
Do you mean SIV-Z?
Errr yes Amanda, I must be spending too much time on the phone to George!
Surely you aren't going to do that kiddie chucking gig again?
Errr - no Amanda, my pollsters say we have eaten the arse out of that rat, especially with the Parkinson CSA Report
[under breath] Nice parallel Rodent
Errr - what did you say?
I heard that Amanda and you know my Rule about no Rodent jokes so I will not let that pass through to the keeper - 10 demerit points Amanda
OK, so who or what are you chucking this time?
Grannies - we are looking bad with grannies because that femmo equality thing backfired so we had to gradually raise the pension age from 60 to 65 for femmos, same as for blokes. At present it is at 63 and starting to bite the grannies.
Well this Little Black Duck ain't chuckin' grannies so go bring Phil back, as I am not putting my arse on the line
Look Amanda, as I promised Phil, remember I will always be there right behind you
That's what I am afraid of - I am not Phil, remember.
Nice one Amanda - for sure Phil said he and John ANZAC Marsden "go back a long way", he he I bet they do, errr ho ho
So is it true Phil is a pillow biter too?
Better ask the Minister for Homophobia, old Heffo, but let's get back to the grannies
Well read my lips mate, you can shove it
Well that's it Amanda, 10 more points and the backbench for you, going forward [Howard does the Billy Bowden performance for a Six as he projects (figuratively) Amanda over the fence - Six and Out]
Amanda exeunts Stage Left, singing her new song
You can sing along with Amanda by clicking here
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